As I sit here with my fingers on the keyboard the only thing I can is let out a heavy sigh, my weight loss is a tough subject for me.
The subject of my weight is really, really difficult for me. I’m sure it is for a lot of people and I hope that someone out there can relate. Truthfully, I am scared to write this post, I need to set aside this fear that I have building in me with every keystroke and get down to it. Enough stalling already.
My weight loss and weight gain is a sore subject. I have never been this super fit girl, I was not athletic in school, and I love sweets. Actually, I have an unhealthy relationship with sweets. People laugh at me, but if I see sweets or know they are nearby it’s ALL I can think about. The thought of a cookie in the kitchen will consume my mind.
Let me preface this with – I was never heavy in high school. I maintained a good balance between running around with friends and having a Mom prepare dinner for me. Then when I moved to college and started living in a place where I had a choice that is when the weight gain started. I could choose between dorm food, the Taco Bell that was in walking distance or ordering a $5 large pizza; let’s face it, those are not good choices. So, the weight gain started. On May 4, 2010 I was the heaviest I had ever been and I had enough. It was time to focus on my weight loss. I stopped complaining and I stopped feeding my sadness with more bad food. I joined Weight Watchers. It just clicked and I loved the Weight Watchers program from the start!
In the next year I lost over 50 pounds. 50 pounds! That’s crazy people! Then the best thing happened I got offered a job to be a leader for Weight Watchers. I was ecstatic about this opportunity to share my story with others and help them along their weight loss journey. All was going great for a year and then I started slipping and the weight started creeping back on. I finally quit my job at Weight Watchers convincing everyone that it was because of a new full-time job and I could not simply take off for 2 hours every Tuesday to lead my meeting. In reality though it was because I had gained weight and was no longer at my goal. I was/am ashamed about that fact, but I just could not stop the landslide. I could not find the drive or motivation to track, get in my healthy guidelines or be active on a regular basis. I do not know why my motivation was gone.
It just was.
Now fast forward a few months and I am further away from my goal weight and my wedding is just 4 months away. I’m sickened by my actions and my ability to let myself lose what I had worked so hard to gain. Or is it gain what I had worked so hard to lose.
It’s time I do something about it… again. I figured posting on here with pictures would really help my motivation. I can do this again. I know I can. I know I can.
So, here we go. I will commit to tracking my food – all of it, every day. I will attend Crossfit 3x a week because I really do love it and feel so good after I am done, I will stop saying the words “I’m fat” because that is doing absolutely nothing for my self-esteem. I will replace those words with “I’m learning” and “I will be healthy.” Finally, I will commit to a weekly roundup on le blog of what was successful and was not successful.
If you want to join me then please do. I would love the company and we can support one another. I know that I will not reach my goal within 4 months, but I will look damn good in my wedding dress.
I will not let tomorrow’s holiday or a weekend at the lake break my confidence or give me an excuse to slide a bit. It’s going to be a good week and I will be proud of my accomplishments.