A tough subject: My Weight Loss

beforeandafter

As I sit here with my fingers on the keyboard the only thing I can is let out a heavy sigh, my weight loss is a tough subject for me.

  The subject of my weight is really, really difficult for me.  I’m sure it is for a lot of people and I hope that someone out there can relate.  Truthfully, I am scared to write this post, I need to set aside this fear that I have building in me with every keystroke and get down to it.  Enough stalling already.

My weight loss and weight gain is a sore subject.  I have never been this super fit girl, I was not athletic in school, and I love sweets.  Actually, I have an unhealthy relationship with sweets.  People laugh at me, but if I see sweets or know they are nearby it’s ALL I can think about.  The thought of a cookie in the kitchen will consume my mind.

Let me preface this with – I was never heavy in high school.  I maintained a good balance between running around with friends and having a Mom prepare dinner for me.  Then when I moved to college and started living in a place where I had a choice that is when the weight gain started.  I could choose between dorm food, the Taco Bell that was in walking distance or ordering a $5 large pizza; let’s face it, those are not good choices.  So, the weight gain started.  On May 4, 2010 I was the heaviest I had ever been and I had enough.  It was time to focus on my weight loss.  I stopped complaining and I stopped feeding my sadness with more bad food.  I joined Weight Watchers.  It just clicked and I loved the Weight Watchers program from the start!

In the next year I lost over 50 pounds.  50 pounds!  That’s crazy people!  Then the best thing happened I got offered a job to be a leader for Weight Watchers.  I was ecstatic about this opportunity to share my story with others and help them along their weight loss journey.  All was going great for a year and then I started slipping and the weight started creeping back on.  I finally quit my job at Weight Watchers convincing everyone that it was because of a new full-time job and I could not simply take off for 2 hours every Tuesday to lead my meeting.  In reality though it was because I had gained weight and was no longer at my goal.  I was/am ashamed about that fact, but I just could not stop the landslide.  I could not find the drive or motivation to track, get in my healthy guidelines or be active on a regular basis.  I do not know why my motivation was gone.

It just was.

weightloss2011

Now fast forward a few months and I am further away from my goal weight and my wedding is just 4 months away.  I’m sickened by my actions and my ability to let myself lose what I had worked so hard to gain.  Or is it gain what I had worked so hard to lose.

It’s time I do something about it… again.  I figured posting on here with pictures would really help my motivation.  I can do this again.   I know I can.  I know I can.

weightloss2012

So, here we go.  I will commit to tracking my food – all of it, every day.  I will attend Crossfit 3x a week because I really do love it and feel so good after I am done, I will stop saying the words “I’m fat” because that is doing absolutely nothing for my self-esteem.  I will replace those words with “I’m learning” and “I will be healthy.”  Finally, I will commit to a weekly roundup on le blog of what was successful and was not successful.

If you want to join me then please do.  I would love the company and we can support one another.  I know that I will not reach my goal within 4 months, but I will look damn good in my wedding dress.

I will not let tomorrow’s holiday or a weekend at the lake break my confidence or give me an excuse to slide a bit.  It’s going to be a good week and I will be proud of my accomplishments.

Cheers!

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2 Thoughts on “A tough subject: My Weight Loss

  1. I am in the same place! I KNOW what I need to do to lose weight, I do. I worked with Pamela at Thrive Personal Fitness for 12 weeks in 2011 before a bad knee injury put me out of commission for a while. I know how to work out, on my own even. I know what I need to eat and how much and when. I know all that. What I have been struggling with lately is actually doing it. As gross as I feel in my body right now, I still can’t find the motivation to get my butt off the couch and go DO something about it. And how do I feel about that? Part of me is so mad at myself, and another part is all like, “It’s okay, Linden, your hubby loves you the way you are and you aren’t TOO fat yet. Just have another beer.” (Your weakness is sweets? Mine is beer… yikes.) And another (quieter) part is whispering insistently: “You can do it. You know what you need to do and you have all the tools you need. Go impress me.”

    I don’t have schizophrenia, but right now the complacent part is winning, no matter how much I try to talk myself into changing. I’m starting to think that I need something like Weight Watchers or CrossFit or SOMETHING. Something where there are other people depending on me and holding me accountable. If I can’t motivate myself, perhaps I need someone else to? *sigh* I don’t know.

    Thanks for the post, and for putting this all out there… as I was writing this comment, I was thinking I should just post this on my own blog, but I don’t feel like putting it out there right now…

    • MereLynne on August 21, 2013 at 1:15 am said:

      It’s a never ending struggle with me and I think it always will be! Now that I’ve moved to StL, I need to find a new Crossfit gym and I am super nervous that I won’t like it as much. I have to tell myself that I love to workout and eat right, but I really don’t.

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